Cover image for Resolve : negotiating life's conflicts with greater confidence / Hal Movius.
Title:
Resolve : negotiating life's conflicts with greater confidence / Hal Movius.
Author:
Title Variants:
Negotiating life's conflicts with greater confidence
ISBN:
9781928055235
Publication Information:
[Place of publication not identified] : Lifetree Media Ltd : distributed by Greystone Books Ltd. , 2017.
Physical Description:
xviii, 220 pages ; 24 cm
Contents:
The crucible and the catalyst -- From conflict to negotiation -- Mastery -- Awareness -- Poise -- Foes -- Friends and family -- Leading -- You -- Twelve tools to help build your resolve.
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1 Bob Harkins Branch 158.5 MOV Book Adult General Collection
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Summary

Summary

Nobody loves conflict. Whether we're negotiating a salary increase or trying to settle on which in-laws to spend the holidays with, there's a lot at stake in any dispute beyond the points being argued over. While both sides are pushing for the result they want, there's a very good chance that someone will feel unjustly treated, hurt or embarrassed along the way. Sometimes one or both parties lose their cool completely, doing damage to the relationship or on their own reputation. Even formal negotiations with nothing personal at stake can feel fraught with risk to the people involved.

Many individuals go through life avoiding conflict and dreading confrontation. And yet, there is no escaping the need to negotiate with family members, employers, business partners and tradespeople. What if you could approach your next difficult conversation with genuine confidence that you can reach the best possible resolution without losing face or damaging your relationship with your counterpart?

Confidence is not the same thing as self-esteem or bravado, according to psychologist and negotiation expert Hal Movius. To handle all of life's negotiations more effectively and with less stress, Movius says, we need to develop confidence along three key dimensions:

Mastery : The ability to plan for and to deploy optimal behaviors during a disagreement or negotiation
Poise : The capacity to manage emotions in the moment
Judgment : The knowledge to avoid the most common traps that befall negotiators -- and the rest of us -- as we think about the problem at hand and the other side's behaviors

In Resolve: Negotiating Life's Conflicts with Greater Confidence Movius provides effective tools to boost confidence in all three of these critical areas so you can be more effective in resolving any type of conflict, from spontaneous flare-ups at home to planned business negotiations.

Drawing on decades of research in interpersonal psychology and recent advances in social neuroscience, Movius blends science-backed insight with practical techniques developed in his 25-year career as a mediator, negotiation trainer and coach.

Readers will learn:
That genuine confidence can be acquired, regardless of personality traits
How to transform all sorts of conflicts, including influence challenges, into negotiations in order to resolve them more satisfactorily
Strategies to use when the conflict is about beliefs or behaviors
How to think like a negotiator, with strategies for planned conversations as well as spontaneous conflict How to recognize and respond to difficult emotional and manipulative tactics in counterparts
How to cope with emotional flooding if you feel yourself becoming flustered in a dispute
How to recognize common errors in judgment that we make before, during and after negotiations
What drives the differences in how women and men negotiate

The book also shares advice on bargaining with counterparts who act as if they don't care about the relationship (and indeed may not); negotiating on behalf of others; and settling differences with those we are close to. Whether you negotiate for a living or only in your personal life, Resolve is the only guide you need to get safely and comfortably to the other side of any dispute.


Author Notes

Hal Movius, founder and president of Movius Consulting, provides coaching, consulting, and negotiation training for Fortune 500 companies and global NGOs. An applied psychologist, Movius is also an expert in emotional intelligence, self-regulation, leadership, and interpersonal processes, and is the co-author of Built to Win: Creating a World Class Negotiating Organization . He lives in Charlottesville, VA.


Table of Contents

Acknowledgmentsp. xi
Introductionp. xiii
Chapter 1 The Crucible and the Catalyst: Why conflict is hard, and how confidence can helpp. 1
The Conflict Cruciblep. 3
Figure 1 Influence Tacticsp. 7
Defining Confidencep. 11
Table 1 What Does It Mean to Be Confident?p. 11
A Multidimensional View of Confidencep. 15
Confidence Is a Catalyst for Better Resultsp. 17
Chapter 2 From Conflict to Negotiation: Thinking like a great negotiatorp. 21
Negotiation Principles and Practicesp. 22
Figure 2 Value Chartp. 26
Transforming Conflicts into Negotiationsp. 29
From Knowledge to Masteryp. 35
Chapter 3 Mastery: Building confidence in our skillsp. 37
Preparationp. 38
Figure 3 Negotiation Process Mapp. 39
Processp. 40
Table 2 Negotiation Preparation Templatep. 43
Practicep. 45
Chapter 4 Awareness: Building confidence in our reasoningp. 53
Self-Serving Biasesp. 54
The Need for Coherencep. 55
Egocentrismp. 57
How Faulty Thinking Affects Our Confidencep. 59
Expanding Our Awarenessp. 61
Chapter 5 Poise: Building our emotional resourcesp. 71
Negotiation Is Costly to Our Social Brainsp. 73
Three Common Triggers of Emotion during Conflictp. 74
How Environment Affects Moodp. 79
Table 3 Factors Affecting Our Moodp. 83
Know How You Gop. 84
Putting Confidence to the Testp. 94
Chapter 6 Foes: Dealing with tough tacticsp. 97
Mastery When Dealing with Tough Tacticsp. 99
Table 4 Four Common Claiming Tactics and How to Handle Themp. 103
Awareness When Dealing with Tough Tacticsp. 106
Poise When Dealing with Tough Tacticsp. 109
Keeping Your Cool When You Want to Blow Your Topp. 116
Showdowns vs. Flare-Upsp. 117
Chapter 7 Friends and Family: Resolving conflict in close relationshipsp. 121
Protecting the Relationshipp. 122
Table 5 Gottman/Coan Communication Codes for Downward Spiralsp. 128
How to Have a Good Fightp. 129
Mastery in Close Relationshipsp. 132
Awareness in Close Relationshipsp. 134
Poise in Close Relationshipsp. 136
Chapter 8 Leading: Negotiating on behalf of othersp. 141
Back Tablesp. 143
Mastery When Negotiating on Behalf of Othersp. 144
Figure 4 Lakeview Neighborhood Association Interest Checklistp. 148
Table 6 Strategy Matrixp. 150
Figure 5 Lakeview Neighborhood Association List of Interestsp. 152
Awareness When Negotiating on Behalf of Othersp. 159
Poise When Negotiating on Behalf of Othersp. 161
Communicating with Confidencep. 165
Chapter 9 You: Putting knowledge into practicep. 169
Assessing Your Tendenciesp. 171
Table 7 Specific Challenges or Tendencies Related to Traitsp. 172
Your Cruciblesp. 174
Appendix: Twelve Tools to Help Build Your Resolvep. 177
Building Mastery
Tool 1 Defining What's at Stakep. 178
Tool 2 Negotiation Preparation Templatep. 179
Tool 3 Negotiation Process Mapp. 180
Expanding Awareness
Tool 4 Checklist to Avoid Traps in Thinkingp. 182
Summoning and Maintaining Poise
Tool 5 Planning for Temperamentp. 184
Tool 6 Body and Environment Scanp. 185
Tool 7 Meta-Emotional Tendencies Exercisep. 187
Tool 8 Identifying Emotional Triggersp. 187
Tool 9 Coping Styles Quizp. 188
Dealing with Tough Tactics
Tool 10 Recognizing and Responding to Tough Tacticsp. 190
Resolving Conflict with Friends and Familyp. 192
Tool 11 Checklist for Negotiations and Conflicts with Friends and Familyp. 192
Negotiating on Behalf of Others
Tool 12 Securing Authority and Approvalp. 193
Glossaryp. 195
Notesp. 201
Indexp. 213

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