Cover image for The courage to be disliked : the Japanese phenomenon that shows you how to change your life and achieve real happiness / Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga.
Title:
The courage to be disliked : the Japanese phenomenon that shows you how to change your life and achieve real happiness / Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga.
ISBN:
9781501197277
Publication Information:
New York ; London ; Toronto : Atria Books, 2018.

©2017
Physical Description:
xviii, 270 pages ; 22 cm
Contents:
The unknown third giant -- Why people can change -- Trauma does not exist -- People fabricate anger -- How to live without being controlled by the past -- Socrates and Adler -- Are you okay just as you are? -- Unhappiness is something you choose for yourself -- People always choose not to change -- Your life is decided here and now -- Why you dislike yourself -- All problems are interpersonal relationship problems -- Feelings of inferiority are subjective assumptions -- An inferiority complex is an excuse -- Braggarts have feelings of inferiority -- Life is not a competition -- You're the only one worrying about your appearance -- From power struggle to revenge -- Admitting fault is not defeat -- Overcoming the tasks that face you in life -- Red string and rigid chains -- Don't fall for the "life-lie" -- From the psychology of possession to the psychology of practice -- Deny the desire for recognition -- Do not live to satisfy the expectations of others -- How to separate tasks -- Discard other people's tasks -- How to rid yourself of interpersonal relationship problems -- Cut the Gordian knot -- Desire for recognition makes you unfree -- What real freedom is -- You hold the cards to interpersonal relationships -- Individual psychology and holism -- The goal of interpersonal relationships is a feeling of community -- Why am I only interested in myself? -- You are not the center of the world -- Listen to the voice of a larger community -- Do not rebuke or praise -- The encouragement approach -- How to feel you have value -- Exist in the present -- People cannot make proper use of self -- Excessive self-consciousness stifles the self -- Not self-affirmation, self acceptance -- The difference between trust and confidence -- The essence of work is a contribution to the common good -- Young people walk ahead of adults -- Workaholism is a life-lie -- You can be happy now -- Two paths traveled by those wanting to be "special beings" -- The courage to be normal -- Life is a series of moments -- Life like you're dancing -- Shine a light on the here and now -- The greatest life-lie -- Give meaning to seemingly meaningless life.

Introduction -- The first night: Deny trauma -- The second night: All problems are interpersonal relationship problems -- The third night: Discard other people's tasks -- The fourth night: Where the center of the world is -- The fifth night: To live in earnest in the here and now -- Afterword.
Abstract:
"The Courage to Be Disliked, already an enormous bestseller in Asia with more than 3.5 million copies sold, demonstrates how to unlock the power within yourself to be the person you truly want to be. Using the theories of Alfred Adler, one of the three giants of twentieth century psychology, The Courage to Be Disliked follows an illuminating conversation between a philosopher and a young man. The philosopher explains to his pupil how each of us is able to determine our own life, free from the shackles of past experiences, doubts, and the expectations of others. It's a way of thinking that is deeply liberating, allowing us to develop the courage to change, and to ignore the limitations that we and other people have placed on us. The result is a book that is both highly accessible and profound in its importance. Millions have already read and benefitted from its wisdom. This truly life-changing book will help you declutter your mind of harmful thoughts and attitudes, helping you to make a lasting change, achieve real happiness, and find success"-- Provided by publisher.

"The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up for the mind, The Courage to Be Disliked is the Japanese phenomenon that shows you how to free yourself from the shackles of past experiences and others' expectations to achieve real happiness"-- Provided by publisher.
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Summary

Summary

Reading this book could change your life.

"Marie Kondo, but for your brain" (HelloGiggles).

"Compelling from front to back. Highly recommend" (Marc Andreessen).

The Courage to Be Disliked , already an enormous bestseller in Asia with more than 3.5 million copies sold, demonstrates how to unlock the power within yourself to be the person you truly want to be.

Is happiness something you choose for yourself? The Courage to Be Disliked presents a simple and straightforward answer. Using the theories of Alfred Adler, one of the three giants of nineteenth-century psychology alongside Freud and Jung, this book follows an illuminating dialogue between a philosopher and a young man. Over the course of five conversations, the philosopher helps his student to understand how each of us is able to determine the direction of our own life, free from the shackles of past traumas and the expectations of others.

Rich in wisdom, The Courage to Be Disliked will guide you through the concepts of self-forgiveness, self-care, and mind decluttering. It is a deeply liberating way of thinking, allowing you to develop the courage to change and ignore the limitations that you might be placing on yourself. This plainspoken and profoundly moving book unlocks the power within you to find lasting happiness and be the person you truly want to be. Millions have already benefited from its teachings, now you can too.


Author Notes

Ichiro Kishimi was born in Kyoto, where he currently resides. He writes and lectures on Alderian psychology and provides counseling for youths in psychiatric clinics as a certified counselor and consultant for the Japanese Society of Adlerian Psychology. He is the translator, into Japanese, of selected writings by Alfred Adler-- The Science of Living and Problems of Neurosis --and he is the author of Introduction to Adlerian Psychology , in addition to numerous other books.

Fumitake Koga is an award-winning professional writer and author. He has released numerous bestselling works of business-related and general non-fiction. He encountered Adlerian psychology in his late twenties and was deeply affected by its conventional wisdom-defying ideas. Thereafter, Koga made numerous visits to Ichiro Kishimi in Kyoto, gleaned from him the essence of Adlerian psychology, and took down the notes for the classical "dialogue format" method of Greek philosophy that is used in this book.


Reviews 1

Library Journal Review

While varied in approach, these two books similarly guide readers toward achieving happiness and lasting change. In The Courage To Be Disliked, Kishimi (consultant, Japanese Society of Adlerian Psychology; The Science of Living) and professional writer Koga apply the theories of Austrian psychologist Alfred Adler to a series of dialogs between a philosopher and a young man who is looking for direction in life and freedom from earlier trauma. Readers are challenged to discard their past and embrace the present, as the authors take on questions and arguments about moving forward in an Adlerian style. Owens (founder & executive director, Link of Cullman County ministry) applies a more practical than philosophical method in Like Me or Not, exploring how our need for approval can become another form of addiction, similar to alcoholism or substance abuse. The author uses many of the tenets of 12-step programs to release readers from the bondage of approval addiction, and it works. She not only brings into play the dynamics of recovery programs but also strengthens her assertions with biblical passages and stories of how single individuals can make a difference. VERDICT For those seeking a discourse that helps explain who they are in the world, Kishimi and Koga provide an illuminating conversation. For others who have an -inkling of what God wants them to become, Owens fills the bill. © Copyright 2018. Library Journals LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of Media Source, Inc. No redistribution permitted.


Table of Contents

Authors' Notep. ix
Introductionp. xiii
The First Night: Deny Trauma
The Unknown Third Giantp. 5
Why People Can Changep. 8
Trauma Does Not Existp. 12
People Fabricate Angerp. 16
How to Live Without Being Controlled by the Pastp. 20
Socrates and Adlerp. 23
Are You Okay Just As You Are?p. 25
Unhappiness Is Something You Choose for Yourselfp. 28
People Always Choose Not to Changep. 31
Your Life Is Decided Here and Nowp. 36
The Second Night: All Problems Are Interpersonal Relationship Problems
Why You Dislike Yourselfp. 45
All Problems Are Interpersonal Relationship Problemsp. 52
Feelings of Inferiority Are Subjective Assumptionsp. 55
An Inferiority Complex Is an Excusep. 60
Braggarts Have Feelings of Inferiorityp. 65
Life Is Not a Competitionp. 72
You're the Only One Worrying About Your Appearancep. 76
From Power Struggle to Revengep. 82
Admitting Fault Is Not Defeatp. 87
Overcoming the Tasks That Face You in Lifep. 90
Red String and Rigid Chainsp. 95
Don't Fall for the "Life-Lie"p. 100
From the Psychology of Possession to the Psychology of Practicep. 104
The Third Night: Discard Other People's Tasks
Deny the Desire for Recognitionp. 111
Do Not Live to Satisfy the Expectations of Othersp. 116
How to Separate Tasksp. 122
Discard Other People's Tasksp. 126
How to Rid Yourself of Interpersonal Relationship Problemsp. 129
Cut the Gordian Knotp. 133
Desire for Recognition Makes You Unfreep. 138
What Real Freedom Isp. 142
You Hold the Cards to Interpersonal Relationshipsp. 147
The Fourth Night: Where the Center of the World Is
Individual Psychology and Holismp. 157
The Goal of Interpersonal Relationships Is a Feeling of Communityp. 161
Why Am I Only Interested In Myself?p. 165
You Are Not the Center of the Worldp. 168
Listen to the Voice of a Larger Communityp. 172
Do Not Rebuke or Praisep. 178
The Encouragement Approachp. 183
How to Feel You Have Valuep. 187
Exist in the Presentp. 191
People Cannot Make Proper Use of Selfp. 195
The Fifth Night: To Live in Earnest in the Here and Now
Excessive Self-Consciousness Stifles the Selfp. 205
Not Self-Affirmation-Self-Acceptancep. 208
The Difference Between Trust and Confidencep. 212
The Essence of Work Is a Contribution to the Common Goodp. 219
Young People Walk Ahead of Adultsp. 223
Workaholism Is a Life-Liep. 227
You Can Be Happy Nowp. 232
Two Paths Traveled by Those Wanting to Be "Special Beings"p. 238
The Courage to Be Normalp. 242
Life Is a Series of Momentsp. 245
Live Like You're Dancingp. 248
Shine a Light on the Here and Nowp. 252
The Greatest Life-Liep. 255
Give Meaning to Seemingly Meaningless Lifep. 258
Afterwordp. 265